Do's and Don'ts of Being an Ally

Ally: a person who is a member of an advantaged social group who takes a stand against oppression, works to eliminate oppressive attitudes and beliefs in themselves and their communities, and works to interrogate and understand their privilege (Social Justice Terminology)

Don't out yourself as being in the "dominant" group

Making statements like "As a straight person" or "As a white male" are unnecessary. It makes the people in marginalized communities feel uncomfortable. We go from feeling like we can speak freely on our oppression to being worried about offending the person in the dominant group.

Do ask questions about their struggles

Instead of proclaiming what you don't understand something because you are in the dominant group, ask questions about their personal experiences. Examples include: "How do ____ people feel about _____?" or "When did you realize you are ____?" or "What is your experience being ___?"

Don't try to be the voice for a group you are not apart of

If you are not apart of the LGBT+ community, you don't have the right to speak on the experiences of LGBT communities without their permission. If you are not black, you do not have permission to speak on what racism is like for black people. If you do not suffer from a mental illness, you do not have the right to speak on what it's like for mental illnesses to be constantly denied. You are the crew, not the cast.

Do listen before you speak

If you would like to write about or do a report on marginalized committees, take the time to actually talk to people and ask them about their personal experiences. Use their quotes and be sure not to give the quotes a connotation that they didn't intend.

Don't compare your oppression

Person A:"The other day I was verbally abused because I recently came out" Person B:"Oh that's so sad, I remember being bullied as a kid for my glasses... I went home and cried myself to sleep"

Person 1: "Yeah, I had cancer as a child and lost my leg, but I really feel like I've come out stronger on the other side." Person 2: "I can totally relate to that. I was born three weeks early."

Do exercise courtesy for what people share

When someone shares a personal experience, unless they specifically say they are open to discuss it further, let their story end when they stop talking. Some people are only comfortable sharing part of their story, and you need to respect this. A great way to show support without opening discussion is by snapping a few times after they've finished talking.

Don't use slurs in any circumstance

You do not have the "card"... point blank.

Do respect the power that language has

When a marginalized community chooses to use a word that has historically been used to oppressed them (*cough* the n-word *cough*), you should respect it when they say a certain race (*cough* white people *cough*) can not use this word. There is no reason to be using this word in the first place. But if a black person decides that they feel empowered by other black people using this word, that is up to them.

These are a few, but not all, guidelines for allies who hope to help people make a change.